Graciously Affected by God
by Sandy Brown-Glassford

One afternoon I was crying out to the Lord about a very real problem in my life–a very personal matter. The Lord spoke to me, Sandy, let it go. Turn around, walk away, and don't look back. Don't demand your way." I said, "Oh, Lord, it is too great a sacrifice." The Lord answered, "Sandy, don't let it be as a sacrifice to you. Let it go out of obedience to Me. I am asking you to obey Me in this matter. Remember, obedience is better than sacrifice."

I lay there for a long time and just wept. I wept at first because of the loss I would feel. Hurt tore through my soul; it seemed to cut my very flesh. How could I do this? It would hurt too much. Then I found my heart beholding the suffering of Christ and how the Father so loved the world He gave His only Son. Knowing that I was purchased with the price of God's own Son, how could I say no to the lover of my soul? My heart became overwhelmed that He loved me so much that He would speak to me so clearly about something so dear to my heart. That He would speak to me at such a time when wisdom was the only thing that would deliver me into God's perfect plan for my life.

My weeping ceased to be tears of loss and hurt and became tears of awesome wonder that my Lord would ask me. After all my failures, I had missed Him so many times. Over the past 10-12 years, I had hardly been able to bear the mistakes I had made. And here God was trusting me to make the right choice. The God of heaven and earth was speaking to me and asking me if I would obey Him. There I was at the feet of Jesus, a broken vessel, alone, and too tired to start again. Too many wrong choices, turning down too many wrong roads, too many sins unrepented, with resentments and hurts unresolved...too many. People I had been unable to face because I had let them down. There I stood, a completely broken vessel before my God.

I lay before Him until I received direction for the situation. As I began to move in the wisdom given from above, I realized that God had graciously affected my heart and soul that day. He had granted me true repentance. A God-given opportunity to turn around and make straight paths for my feet. I began lifting up holy hands and strengthening my tottering knees as I said, "Yes, oh, yes Lord," strength to obey rose up from within. My heart, soul, and flesh all received a fresh anointing. It was as if a dark cloud that had been over me for some years had completely disintegrated as the Kingdom of God, which I preached, became crystal clear again. My understanding was enlightened.

Like Peter in prison, I was sleeping. The angel of the Lord (Jesus Christ, I believe) came and smote me awake. He helped me up and said, "Move quickly. Gird yourself. Put your walking shoes on and your robe and follow Me." I believe I had been in prison (bondage) for the past10-12 years. Yes, Jesus lead me out to a street called "Straight Street." Ha! Glory!

I am not going to say that self-denial and the cutting away of my plans and my ways did not hurt; because it did! I cried and kicked. I experienced a great loss of the life I had been choosing.

But that very day, I lost my life while gaining His life as a clear road to walk on and abide in His constant light. It was a wonderful encounter to hear His voice restored to me with such vibrancy and clarity. I never realized how I was likened unto a little sheep who had gone astray.

Oh, it's not like I went back to the world, but sometimes we find ourselves empty and alone. We choose things that may not be sin, but they just do not fit into God's plan for our lives. Sometimes we get attached to different people. Maybe we get a little co-dependent on another. They are not necessarily bad people, it's just that they do not help our walk in God's plans and purposes for our lives.

We are in a very special day. The Lord of the harvest needs His troops to be ready, cleaned, dressed, and armed to do all He's says do. It is a time for new wine. The wedding party must be prepared; the Bridegroom is coming! It is the hour to be ready to meet Him. The Spirit and the bride say come! (see Matthew 16:24-25.

Jesus said unto His disciples, "If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it, but whosoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it." –Luke 14:26-27, 33

"If any man come to Me and not hate his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, yes even his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be my disciple. So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsake not all that he has, he cannot my disciple."

Well, praise God! I chose that day to give all. I thought I had done all that before. Maybe here a little, there a little from time to time, I did, but I will surely declare before everyone who will hear that all I know is that my life is hidden in Christ. He has purchased me. I am not my own. He asked me, "Sandy, follow Me." I say, "Yes, Lord, I will follow hard after You!"



Sandy Brown